eternal crush

eternal crush
slushy crush
orange ↑
nagging ache inside
ache                  ↗
ache                         ↖
way bad crush
in the
soul      ↗
in the soul↗
It’s bad, I got it real
bad, this big ache
in my soul.

Chipotle Re-mix

I discovered this poem on the floor of my office, while looking for articles pertaining to my dissertation. Here we go again…this poem I wrote over a year ago:

Chipotle Re-mix

The taste in my mouth
where will this lead?
overlapping musics
girl uncomfortable in her dress
tugs it down
lyrics to my ears
“empty streets”
“how do I know you’re feelin’ it?
staying here now
no more running away
old cliché
old words
old wounds
new lines
new times
insertions after the facts
later dates
pre-conceived notions
selfish thoughts
living proof
that I am.
back to the original poem I wrote in Chipotle:
transcribing on the computer
diversion
distracted by time
distracted by rhyme
backspacing in time
in the moment
in time
repeating my line
in time
hating it but not backspacing yet
back now to the original poem, the taste of the absence of…
the salsa
in my mouth
the skirt that walked by
still wanting
new ways
mixing my lines
not the original
new mix—
now faithful to the original
“new ways”
“still”
Knows me
skirt walks bye
stop and stare
not there
not staring there
but watching
the still
move
by
me
still
still moves me
clicking my pen on my
cabeza
seeing the whisk of
the escoba
in muy peripheral view
under my feet it
sweeps and sweeps
el polvo
el polvo
se va el polvo…
para el cielo
quiero que se vaya
ya…
“limpié nuestra oficina”
“no quiero que ustedes piensen que fueran los cabrones
painters que dejaron todo desarreglado, polveroso
sucio
oficina sucia
donde debo tener mi silla roja sin polvo
LOVE
still on my mind
this is not the original poem from Chipotle
but I still want the dust to go
para el cielo
que se vaya
que se vaya
el polvo
de mi alma
de mis ojos
para que pueda ver las cosas como son
como son
las cosas—
estoy loca
yo sé
está bien
mientras esas chicas se bromean de mí
quizás porque corrijo mis exámenes de pie, en Peets Coffee
donde hay una mesa alta—
a veces
ataca el sol
the rays of the sun
LOVE
still resides in the black and white of the pages
of my soul, no–iba a decir las páginas de la revista
que compré en Newsbeat
que ahora está en la biblioteca al lado de mis libros en mi
jaula
mi alma es jaula
no ahora
que salga pa fuera
el polvo de mi alma
que hace los colores de blanco y negro convertirse en gris
no gris
por favor
llevé azules
hoy
AMOR
¿cuándo la veré de nuevo?
¿estaré lista?
¿le  hablaré?
¿o me esconderé?—
como la muchacha que era en esa edad de tortura y pain y
rechaza–vida de rechaza
la alma rechazada
el polvo protegió
por un tiempo
no sirve más
nomás sirve:
Yo sé que estoy loca
me dijo un hombre que mi poesía era egoista
(quizás porque su mente estaba cubierta de polvo también).

reminding myself

sadness is like a rolling ocean of waves
it comes when the wind pushes it along
it dissipates as each wave crashes against the shore
then flattens as the water fades into the sand,
soaking the Earth with the salty substance called tears,
waves, tears, waves, tears,
called this, it is

beach ocean sand

    tide rolls in

beach ocean sand

    tide moves in

my soul, remember?

the ebb and the flow

swinging high swinging low…

ebb and flow

    like tides of an ocean…

yes, my soul.

while cycling on 2nd St. (parallel to the tracks and the freeway)

Trash Hill

As I think to myself there is a fineness between sadness and joy
I see the flowers
birds they fly
white buttercups with prickly thorns outside
tall buttercups
they hide the birds inside…
as I wonder about the fineness between the sadness and the joy
flowers… I see birds fly…

metals on the street
I stop and stare
as my wheels turn
on this road bare
tall buttercups
standing brittle and stiff
no more birds…

trash hill
by a road
colors dull
against your groan
trash hill
colors
the side
amongst flowers dried
trash hill
what do you hide?
maybe something live?
trash hill
I hear you speak
little critters
playing hide and seek?
trash hill
by a paved road
against the sound of the groan
trash hill,
what do you say?
silence….

flowers to hay
hey, trash hill
on the side of a road
patches, stalks
of green

trash hill
nothin is as it seems
a gardner in the dirt
trash hill
a cloudy sky
trash hill
I’m runnin’ out
trash hill
runnin’ out of words…

flatlined

pass over me
don’t even look at me
cuz I’m in a weird space
you’ll never miss a thing
never miss a beat
if you just keep walking and
move your feet—show me what I know—
be with another—
—sho—
this is what I know—
I’m used to
the status
quo
I got it I’m alone
I beat to
another tune
It’s familiar to me
to always see
others with each
other &
me alone
so go ahead, show
me what I
know—I’m
already crushed
out like a slushy
in a cone
I’m a freak of
nature bottled
in a can…
crushed out
soda can
crushed out it
doesn’t go further
than that
crushed out
that’s where
I’m at
crushed
out flattened…
like that —> ____________________

that one

Sorry, I mistook you for someone else
you looked so much like someone I knew
sorry, I mistook you for someone else
my bad, I thought it was you

Please forgive me for being blind
it’s just that you looked like her,
the one…
I thought it was you

Please forgive me,
I didn’t see very clear
sleeping still, perhaps,
when I saw you sitting there

It’s just that you looked so much like her,
the one in my dream
hope I can remember now
that nothing is what it seems

I’m sorry, please forgive me for being blind
I’m kind of different that way
I’m another kind
another kind of person
who has been asleep for so long
I’m still wiping my eyes from this dream
It all seems so wrong….

sorry if I disturbed you
I just thought you were the one
but nothing is as it seems
no, never—will I ever learn that one?

ce qui je sais…que fait-on?

Je sais que je suis
mais q’est-ce qui’l y aura de moi?
je sais que je suis
mais q’est-ce qu’il y aura de moi?

je prend la route haute
je vois la route base
mais que fait-on quand les deux croisent?

je prend la route haute
je vois la route base
mais que fait-on quand les deux croisent?

Je sais que je suis
mais q’est-ce qu’il y aura de moi?
Je sais que je suis, mais…
qu’est-ce qu’il y aurat de moi?

donc j’y vais simplement pour aller
donc j’y vais simplement pour aller

Je sais que je suis…
j’y vais simplement pour aller

Je sais que je suis…
et j’y vais simplement pour aller

et si je me rencontre en route,
si je me rencontre en route,

je saurais que je suis encore
je saurais ce qui je serais…

je saurais ce qui je serais
et tout pour avoir pris la route haute…

et tout pour avoir pris la route haute……..

my ride my song

yeah the tracks are my companion
the moonlight is my guide
crickets play symphony
on this tune I ride

yeah, tracks are my companion
moonlight my guide
crickets play the symphony
I conduct the glide

i ride the sky dark river, it’s my song
stars they are winking
winking down at me
I ride this river
the sky and me are one
crickets playin symphony
backin up my song

all night long
all night long
it’s my dark sky river
singin’ some song

all night long, yeah
all night long
it’s the beat to my inner…
just playin’ my song.

Fizz it me

it cannot go fast enough
to know who this is
all the colors of the rainbows
would not come close to this…

F   I   ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

the petals in the bloom of all the worlds flowers
would not equal this

B  L  ooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm

yeah, the voice of the biggest freight trains comin’ down the tracks
won’t match this…
cuz it can’t go fast enough
no
it just ain’t fast enough

F I ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ it

just to see it
just to see it…wait…yeah,

who is this
who this is
who
is
Me?

yeah.

heavenly tracks

tracks by my side
infinity’s ride
your groan in the distance
a comfort beside…

my emptiness fulfills
the darkest of nights
moon on high
burns bright

stars lace
infinite grace
tapestry of love
milky way
sprinkled

the street beneath
holds me up
as long as I believe…
in what’s above.